Set in the year 2000, a single mother and her teenage daughter struggle to make friends and find belonging at a Filipino Christmas party in suburban Wisconsin. The film explores otherness, identity, and assimilation from the contrasting perspectives of childhood and adulthood.

Director Biography - Angeline Gragasin

ANGELINE GRAGASIN’s films have screened at BAM, Clermont-Ferrand, ZINEBI, Palais de Tokyo, Jumping Frames, and more. She's been awarded fellowships at Yaddo, The Wexner Center for the Arts, The Flaherty Film Seminar, and UnionDocs, among others. Her writing has been published by The Creative Independent, Screen Slate, LR Magazine, Arbelos Films, and Cinema Reborn. She teaches at Parsons School of Design in NYC and lives in rural upstate New York.

Director Statement

As a second generation Filipino American artist, I'm interested in exploring the power dynamics within Filipino immigrant families, as well as between different social classes within Filipino immigrant society in the U.S.

MYSELF WHEN I AM REAL tells the story of an anxious and controlling mother who is more preoccupied with elevating her own social status than caring for her daughter; I wanted to show the contrast between how these women behave in public vs. in private. Though the relationship between these two particular dynamics is underrepresented in cinema, I think power struggles within families and societies are universally relatable to all audiences.

Stylistically, I apply observational cinema techniques to the suburban gothic genre to create a lifelike “home movie” that blurs the line between fiction and nonfiction. The film is constructed from what appear to be sequences of found footage—but, in reality, are reenactments shot on era-appropriate technology (MiniDV). This approach, in combination with handheld movement and direct address, reinforces the effect of watching authentic home movie footage.